She Lights Up Our Life Everyday, Not Just in April

If you think Autism Acceptance is a month, you haven't had the opportunity to truly know someone on the autism spectrum and as they say, no two individuals with autism are alike, and that is 100% the truth. I don't pretend to know the journey of other families that have children, siblings or parents with autism, though at times I am grateful to know some of the experiences that we have, or share are shared by others walking a similar path.

Autism acceptance for our family, is every day, it's in waking wondering just what type of place or space Seraphina will be in. It is in working together to make her quality of life as good as everyone else's in the family. It is being proud of her even in the difficult moments when she may make embarrassing comments or have a meltdown in public. Autism Acceptance is introducing our daughter to others to help them grow in their own journey in life. Autism acceptance is educating others on autism and what our version of autism looks like and also knowing that if our journey can make it easier for another family someday, than our journey has purpose. Autism acceptance is also understanding that the opportunity to give birth to, to walk beside and love this child has given our life greater purpose, just by knowing her.  

In 2015, when our daughter was diagnosed with autism, I sat in my car at pick up. The warmth of the May sun shone into my car window. The President of our home school association walked by and saw my eyes swollen and tears streaming. Brave, he knocked on the window and I rolled it down. I sheepishly explained that Seraphina was diagnosed with autism and in those moments, while I knew she in fact did have autism, our world as we knew it shattered and I knew it would take time to pick up the pieces and the world we had grown to know and love would never be the same. His eyes narrowed and he looked down into the car and said, "if anyone can do it, you can". I am not sure I believed him and there are days, I still don't believe him.

Autism is hard. Our autism is hard. It's not the grow up and become a public speaker hard or the first in the college to attend with autism spectrum disorder, it's the elope in the middle of the night, bite through a parent's hand, rage for hours on end hard and while we have learned triggers and how to manage the struggles our daughter faces, it doesn't mean it is easy. We understand it may never be easy and that is okay. 

Autism is also beautiful. It teaches us to see the world differently, to celebrate things that we wouldn't normally notice and to learn to laugh at ourselves even in darkness and challenging times. Autism is eye contact, when a child chooses because they feel safe. It is a hand on your back when you know your child struggles with having touch but wants you to know you are loved. It is tears for the first time and beginning to understand emotions. Autism is growing up a little more slowly, playing with toys that most children HAVE to part with long before they are ready. Autism is watching someone fall in love with your child because they are truly unique and who they are. It is learning that your child has friends because another parent tells you how much their child loves spending time with them. Autism is a love of particular foods, similar toys, perhaps not toys at all but household items that become comfort items and tools to help your child communicate. Autism is spoken language, signed language, language using an AAC Device. Autism is learning from families who walk a similar path. It is learning from individuals who are autistic. It is educating individuals who are autistic about your families journey as well. Autism isn't a diagnosis, autism is a way of life and perhaps its different than the life you planned or even wanted but when you stop, you realize that sometimes the hardest things help you find the greatest outcomes.

This month and every month, we light it up, we light it up in learning through our child and learning through other families. We light it up in learning from self-advocates and individuals who communicate differently. No matter if you choose to wear blue or red, don an infinity symbol or if you feel the puzzle piece speaks to you, I ask that this month and every month, we choose to see the beauty in the ashes, the rainbow in the storm and the opportunity in the journey to love like you have never loved before and live as no one can plan.

I am a proud mom to a little girl who lights up our life, every day...not just in April.