Autism Acceptance Day 8.0

 

For a parent hearing the words, your child has been given an autism diagnosis, in that moment, their life will forever change. While autism has a spectrum as vast as an ocean, in that moment, that parent is united with other parents who like them choose to honor and accept the birth of a new life that they never expected.

When my daughter was diagnosed, I anticipated how the process would go, what therapies she would need and how we would access the support that was necessary to help her grow into a strong, independent adult, with few barriers and limitations.

As our daughter has grown, so had my understanding of raising an autistic child. I no longer anticipate anything. Instead, I honor everything. I recognize that all parents want success for their children with few barriers and limitations however, all people, autistic or not will face adversity, sorrow and sadness.

This week at church, our Pastor spoke of the fact that there was a woman present, she was celebrating her 100th Easter. In that time, she had seen so much. Beauty. Joy. Good Things. She had also experienced what so many of us fear for our children. Sadness. Pain. Grief. And on Sunday she woke and celebrated mass.

While we have walked this path, I have journeyed through the stages of grief, much like a person who has lost a loved one, for the child I carried, the one I nursed, rocked and watched take her first steps was different from the child I now had to raise.

It has taken 8 years of processing to be where I am today and so when people give a timeline on how we each accept a diagnosis, move forward or choose to live, I ask that we pause and give grace and time. Some days I still lament what my daughter won't have, and while people kindly offer kind words and reminders of hope, I hold on to hope but know that I will enjoy this journey more if I celebrate the beauty of my autistic daughter.

The other day my daughter dust busted for the first time. She made a mess, recognized it, got a dust buster and dust busted to the best of her ability with one hand over her ear. That is growth. The tears within my eyes welled and the pride I had for her in that moment felt like the same pride I had for other children of mine when they win a game, make an A or win a race.

Life isn't about winning or losing but living. Life is about learning to accept the path we have and make the best of it, even when days seem long, and nights seem hard. 

I think back to the mom of that newly diagnosed child and wish I could tell her the following:

1. Take Your Time, it's okay to take time to process this diagnosis and recognize that the processing could take months or years.

2. It is a Marathon. Don't race and panic. Give grace and settle in. Learning about your child and autism like learning a foreign language. It can be tricky, frustrating and unnerving but in the end, it will give you opportunities you never knew you would have. 

3. Acceptance is key. You can never plan the life you have but you can plan your reaction, so choosing to accept the life you have been given will allow you to enjoy the journey, sooner.

As we near the 9-year anniversary of my daughter's diagnosis, I realize that while her autism has been the single hardest thing for our family to face, it has also helped to create us as individuals and as a whole.

Today, when you see a parent raising a child like mine, do not be sorry, we have been given a gift, to have the opportunity to challenge ourselves, see the beauty is struggle and protect some of the world's most vulnerable people and what an honor that is.